From the slang Nada, meaning Nada, as in what are you doing this weekend.
No shows? No Cruises? Nada.
Probably a high chance of heat with a 100% chance of swamp ass, but you can go to Tractor Supply and get your Monkey Butt Powder. Gold Bond is on sale at Rite Aid so your salt brine problem is curable. Really it can be cured, not quickly, but it can be cured.
The real thing is, no plastic, marble and brass to caress. Just you and your car, no crowd, no adoration from all the trophy hunters that are pissed as hell that you beat them for the tenth time this season. Just you and the car. No need to wax, buff, clean or vacum. Just you and the car.
So what does that tell you?
Well you can sit around all weekend with your head down, moping like a red headed step child, who they won't let sit at the big table. You could get out a dust rag and dust all the $25.00 Cheap Ass Trophies you have taking up enough space to warrant a storage container. That would take all this weekend and probably cause swamp ass indoors. I'd take them all out in the driveway and hose them off.
But you could really prove to yourself and alot of others that your not just an addict of $25.00 Cheap Ass Trophies. I myself will back out the beast, drop it in gear and stab it and steer. That's right use it for what it was built for, driving.
I'm going to suck up some fuel, put wear on the tires, get bugs on the grill and in all likelyhood get bird shit on the roof. I'm going to DRIVE my car to a point where all people can look at it and not care if I'm going to vote for them or them vote for me. I'm going to air out the beast and let it run like it wants, full out and screaming and not worry about getting to the gate at the crack of fucking dark to be first in line.
So go out in the garage and go for a drive to someplace, call a friend or don't, just drive it like it was meant to be driven. Make your own fun, you really don't need another Cheap Ass Trophy.
Do You?
NOTE FROM THE EDITOR
There was a cruise on Saturday in Bowdoinham called Cruise In on the Cathence or some facsimile thereof. My bad, but it comes to close to the word catheter and you really don't want me to go out on a limb with that subject.
6/30/12
6/26/12
Who Said
After receiving a few E-mails about cancelled cruise nights, as I have over the last several weeks, because of weather. Who took it upon themselves to say they were cancelled. Are we actually mandated into thinking we need a sanctioned cruise night. Are we just that lazy that we can't make up our own minds about whether to go or not. Do we not have enough common sense to get out of the rain.
As young punks with bad manners and over the top attitudes we collectively never gave a shit about sanctioned cruise nights, we just hung out where we wanted and listened to bad radio and had a blast.
Now we get a burned hot dog or under cooked burger, a soda and some wilted chips for $3.00 and think we are having fun. Root canal anyone?
Mindless prattle from gene pools that run way to shallow are getting paid to play music that we didn't really like when it was new. Break out some Beatles, Stones or even some Led Zeppelin. Perhaps just fire the prick and play the dam radio. Hell, even tuning in bouncing AM Radio waves off the night sky so we could hear Wolfman Jack was better than any Dj we have today.
50/50 tickets used to be about talking your partner riding shotgun into paying half the ticket you just got because he talked you into blowing the doors off the overeducated douche in the Triumph only to be caught by Dudley Dooright who didn't like being woke up when you whizzed by him at 100+mph
We didn't call them cruise nights because we did that every night where ever we wanted. We'd just take over a parking lot or hang out at the corner store or even that greasy spoon you'd get food poisoning at if you could ever get enough money together to actually eat there. Gas was cheap, beer was cheaper and smokes you could steal if your buddy caused a distraction.
Who said we couldn't get there before 4 and had to leave at 8. Who said we needed to pay somebody to play music. Who said we needed to have prizes to give away. Who said we needed to attract a crowd.
We got there when we got there and left when we wanted. We played our own music and usually were asked to turn it down. If you bought some Cracker Jacks you got your dam prize and we were the crowd and cars were the attraction, not this mumbo jumbo that these shallow gene pool surfers are sticking up our asses.
So, WHO SAID?
As young punks with bad manners and over the top attitudes we collectively never gave a shit about sanctioned cruise nights, we just hung out where we wanted and listened to bad radio and had a blast.
Now we get a burned hot dog or under cooked burger, a soda and some wilted chips for $3.00 and think we are having fun. Root canal anyone?
Mindless prattle from gene pools that run way to shallow are getting paid to play music that we didn't really like when it was new. Break out some Beatles, Stones or even some Led Zeppelin. Perhaps just fire the prick and play the dam radio. Hell, even tuning in bouncing AM Radio waves off the night sky so we could hear Wolfman Jack was better than any Dj we have today.
50/50 tickets used to be about talking your partner riding shotgun into paying half the ticket you just got because he talked you into blowing the doors off the overeducated douche in the Triumph only to be caught by Dudley Dooright who didn't like being woke up when you whizzed by him at 100+mph
We didn't call them cruise nights because we did that every night where ever we wanted. We'd just take over a parking lot or hang out at the corner store or even that greasy spoon you'd get food poisoning at if you could ever get enough money together to actually eat there. Gas was cheap, beer was cheaper and smokes you could steal if your buddy caused a distraction.
Who said we couldn't get there before 4 and had to leave at 8. Who said we needed to pay somebody to play music. Who said we needed to have prizes to give away. Who said we needed to attract a crowd.
We got there when we got there and left when we wanted. We played our own music and usually were asked to turn it down. If you bought some Cracker Jacks you got your dam prize and we were the crowd and cars were the attraction, not this mumbo jumbo that these shallow gene pool surfers are sticking up our asses.
So, WHO SAID?
6/24/12
Battle of Wits or Was That Twit
As this weekend of major events winds down, I actually am Glad I missed Togus,Windham, Cherryfield & Harrison. Fryeburg was busy with hotrod stuff and we left early enough to miss any torrents of wet shit. Oh we got wet but it was a Half mile of drench and we dried off by Naples.
Today was the Piscataquis Cruise In in Dover-Foxcroft with a smaller than usual turn out due to some rather inclimate weather early in the crack of dark regions of morning.
But it wasn't the drive or the event but the people that made the weekend. Good people from all walks of life including a political ally, a douche bag, the Right Reverend Fudgewhistle and his newest minion the Deacon Dingleberry.
The political ally is a State Senator from Northern Maine whom I met while being a troll under the bridge during some legislation in our last session. He happens to be a car guy and actually spews words out of his mouth, not fecal vomit like most of the others. It was good to touch base and state our collective opinions on the upcoming changes to the Maine Motor Vehicle Safety Inspection Manual that take effect on July 20th of this year.
The Douche Bag shall remain forever nameless and a douche bag as he continually interrupted our conversation and virtually told both of us we didn't have a clue what we were talking about until he found out our credentials from a couple of other sources and left in a huff.
Now as this Cruise In is in the Rev. Fudgewhistles back yard, I expected to see him. But his late arrival had me engaged with a follower of his sermon of the Title 457. We discussed this very briefly until he said I was wrong in saying that street rods are required to have State Inspection stickers. Believe me that was the fastest deterioration of a conversation in history. After telling the Deacon to walk away 4 times, he was still running his mouth. This is where I found out he is originally from Massholevania and moved here in his retirement.
After stating to me that if he was my age he would take me out behind the fence, I asked him if he was named Sandusky, only to get that look and the response huh, I knew at that point I was loosing a battle of wits with an unarmed man. Then the little voice in my head screams at me to never argue with a moron as the crowd can't tell the parties apart from each other.
The point at which he said he had the right to state his opinion is where I stated loud and clear that he was correct, but in turn that gave me the right to tell him in terms that he could understand, to shut the fuck up.
He walked away to spread the word that I was in fact an Asshole only to be told by more than he was willing to accept that I was correct in saying that Street Rods are required to get a State Inspection. I may be an Asshole but I am a Correct Asshole. Not a perfect Asshole just a Correct one.
The Reverend finally showed up and the Deacon went and pointed and stomped and I think he may have even gotten weepy. I approached the Rev. Fudgewhistle to be greeted with a handshake a conversation and a how have you been. We then kibitzed for period and parted ways with the Deacon Dingleberry wondering who the fuck is Sandusky.
Gotta love that
Today was the Piscataquis Cruise In in Dover-Foxcroft with a smaller than usual turn out due to some rather inclimate weather early in the crack of dark regions of morning.
But it wasn't the drive or the event but the people that made the weekend. Good people from all walks of life including a political ally, a douche bag, the Right Reverend Fudgewhistle and his newest minion the Deacon Dingleberry.
The political ally is a State Senator from Northern Maine whom I met while being a troll under the bridge during some legislation in our last session. He happens to be a car guy and actually spews words out of his mouth, not fecal vomit like most of the others. It was good to touch base and state our collective opinions on the upcoming changes to the Maine Motor Vehicle Safety Inspection Manual that take effect on July 20th of this year.
The Douche Bag shall remain forever nameless and a douche bag as he continually interrupted our conversation and virtually told both of us we didn't have a clue what we were talking about until he found out our credentials from a couple of other sources and left in a huff.
Now as this Cruise In is in the Rev. Fudgewhistles back yard, I expected to see him. But his late arrival had me engaged with a follower of his sermon of the Title 457. We discussed this very briefly until he said I was wrong in saying that street rods are required to have State Inspection stickers. Believe me that was the fastest deterioration of a conversation in history. After telling the Deacon to walk away 4 times, he was still running his mouth. This is where I found out he is originally from Massholevania and moved here in his retirement.
After stating to me that if he was my age he would take me out behind the fence, I asked him if he was named Sandusky, only to get that look and the response huh, I knew at that point I was loosing a battle of wits with an unarmed man. Then the little voice in my head screams at me to never argue with a moron as the crowd can't tell the parties apart from each other.
The point at which he said he had the right to state his opinion is where I stated loud and clear that he was correct, but in turn that gave me the right to tell him in terms that he could understand, to shut the fuck up.
He walked away to spread the word that I was in fact an Asshole only to be told by more than he was willing to accept that I was correct in saying that Street Rods are required to get a State Inspection. I may be an Asshole but I am a Correct Asshole. Not a perfect Asshole just a Correct one.
The Reverend finally showed up and the Deacon went and pointed and stomped and I think he may have even gotten weepy. I approached the Rev. Fudgewhistle to be greeted with a handshake a conversation and a how have you been. We then kibitzed for period and parted ways with the Deacon Dingleberry wondering who the fuck is Sandusky.
Gotta love that
6/18/12
Add This In
This weekend is a proverbial Red Flannel Hash of events for just about everyone.
We have a Rod Run in Fryeburg starting on Friday and going to Sunday. Adult fun and no awards to speak of. Burgers and beer sounds like a good thing and Hot Rods as a bonus.
Windham is in full dress with all its festivities including a parade and of course trophies.
Togus is firing up the BBQ grill to help get the Veteran's get in the mood with a scaled back version of its previous self. The Rusty Nuts are making some changes that could prove to be beneficial to the entire program.
Then way down Springvale way is Shaw's Ridge Farm. They and the local Chamber of Commerce are doing a Cruise In with some fine BBQ and homemade ice cream.
Biddeford will be hopping with a little morning gathering put on by Maine Coastal Cruisers.
Cherryfield is doing a show of some sort but can anybody tell me where Cherryfield is without a map?
Sunday is another day of choices with your usual line up of a Cheap Ass Trophy Show in Harrison or a Cruise In up in Dover Foxcroft.
We have a Rod Run in Fryeburg starting on Friday and going to Sunday. Adult fun and no awards to speak of. Burgers and beer sounds like a good thing and Hot Rods as a bonus.
Windham is in full dress with all its festivities including a parade and of course trophies.
Togus is firing up the BBQ grill to help get the Veteran's get in the mood with a scaled back version of its previous self. The Rusty Nuts are making some changes that could prove to be beneficial to the entire program.
Then way down Springvale way is Shaw's Ridge Farm. They and the local Chamber of Commerce are doing a Cruise In with some fine BBQ and homemade ice cream.
Biddeford will be hopping with a little morning gathering put on by Maine Coastal Cruisers.
Cherryfield is doing a show of some sort but can anybody tell me where Cherryfield is without a map?
Sunday is another day of choices with your usual line up of a Cheap Ass Trophy Show in Harrison or a Cruise In up in Dover Foxcroft.
6/17/12
What Goes on in Other States
Here we are on Fathers Day, going to the same venue for what seems like eons, seeing the same faces only this time with no awards. Oh and I didn't attend the function at that same venue for the first time since 1994. That doesn't count the years that Mother Nature closed the venue.
Instead I visited Massholevania for the Goodguys Rod & Custom Associations, East Coast Nationals in West Springfield at the "Big E", with a hotel full of fellow Mainers and about 1500 other participants.
Great weather and tons of food meant a fun time was had by all as long as you weren't driving. A conclusion has been made on one fact. The roads in Massholevania are worse than those in the State of Maine. If you drove in Springfield you saw even worse roads than in the surrounding areas. Potholes and Dips that would make you pucker your ass so tight you wouldn't fart for a month or shit for a week.
At one point seeing a sign for uneven pavement was a joke as it led to the smoothest 10 miles on the Mass Pike. It took us 4 hours to get there via main roads at 75 to 80 mph with four lanes of traffic most of the way. The way home was via back roads that were better than goat path but worse than a Skidder Trail and that lasted only about an hour or a little longer. North of Holyoke was better but then we hit Vermont and scenery to die for after that. 4.5 hours later we were home after a stop for fuel and lunch.
All in All a great time except the drive thru Massholevania. I'd recommend this event to anyone but check your shocks before and after.
Instead I visited Massholevania for the Goodguys Rod & Custom Associations, East Coast Nationals in West Springfield at the "Big E", with a hotel full of fellow Mainers and about 1500 other participants.
Great weather and tons of food meant a fun time was had by all as long as you weren't driving. A conclusion has been made on one fact. The roads in Massholevania are worse than those in the State of Maine. If you drove in Springfield you saw even worse roads than in the surrounding areas. Potholes and Dips that would make you pucker your ass so tight you wouldn't fart for a month or shit for a week.
At one point seeing a sign for uneven pavement was a joke as it led to the smoothest 10 miles on the Mass Pike. It took us 4 hours to get there via main roads at 75 to 80 mph with four lanes of traffic most of the way. The way home was via back roads that were better than goat path but worse than a Skidder Trail and that lasted only about an hour or a little longer. North of Holyoke was better but then we hit Vermont and scenery to die for after that. 4.5 hours later we were home after a stop for fuel and lunch.
All in All a great time except the drive thru Massholevania. I'd recommend this event to anyone but check your shocks before and after.
6/14/12
Adding to the Mix
So just to add something to our grand plans we have a couple of things that we can do this weekend. Then we have word of a few things for the next weekend that can be added to the things we already have.
We can go to Bailey's Campground to the Dom Santoro Car Show or we can go to the Hodgman's Father's fun Day Cruise In .
Now I've seen the Dom Santoro thing advertised for many years and have yet to find anybody that will admit to being there as a participant or a spectator. So that tells me...
Hodgman's could prove to be a good time with our weather predicted to be dam near perfect and the pressure of being a trophy whore off for the weekend. Just kickin it with your buds ought to be fun. Besides you can watch the trophy whore crowd go through withdrawals from not having their fix of $25.00 Cheap Ass Trophies.
Rumor has it that Tim up at Past Gas & Ancient Oil in Sumner is doing something on Dad's Day but I haven't nailed down anything other than rumor.
The following weekend we have way to many choices on Saturday and Sunday. I'll touch on them briefly now with more details next week.
Windham, Togus, Rod Run, and now word has come that Shaw's Ridge is added to the mix. That's Saturday. Then you get Harrison or Dover Foxcroft on Sunday.
We can go to Bailey's Campground to the Dom Santoro Car Show or we can go to the Hodgman's Father's fun Day Cruise In .
Now I've seen the Dom Santoro thing advertised for many years and have yet to find anybody that will admit to being there as a participant or a spectator. So that tells me...
Hodgman's could prove to be a good time with our weather predicted to be dam near perfect and the pressure of being a trophy whore off for the weekend. Just kickin it with your buds ought to be fun. Besides you can watch the trophy whore crowd go through withdrawals from not having their fix of $25.00 Cheap Ass Trophies.
Rumor has it that Tim up at Past Gas & Ancient Oil in Sumner is doing something on Dad's Day but I haven't nailed down anything other than rumor.
The following weekend we have way to many choices on Saturday and Sunday. I'll touch on them briefly now with more details next week.
Windham, Togus, Rod Run, and now word has come that Shaw's Ridge is added to the mix. That's Saturday. Then you get Harrison or Dover Foxcroft on Sunday.
6/10/12
Nancy Sinatra
Name the song and win absolutely nothing.
So I went for a walk and a car show broke out.
In Cumberland, I think, maybe. Walked far enough to think I was on fucking Pluto.
My choice was the Farmers Assoc. Show put on at the Cumberland Fairgrounds. for once a show at that venue that didn't entail mud and rain. However it did entail a shit load of walking and that was just to get to the bathroom.
The weather was great and smiles all around the place seemed to make it a great show and where it was their first real chance to get a bunch of cars without rain I won't beat them up. Let's just say they need to work on some things.
I had fun, we had fun, we walked a mile to the bathroom and back. Next year will be better, hopefully, maybe, we wish.
Added at 2:39PM Monday
Evidently I missed the best part to a show that needs work, that being the awards ceremony. This coupled with the other items in need of fixin' are probably the ingredients for the recipe that will kill this show.
To Bad I Had Fun
So I went for a walk and a car show broke out.
In Cumberland, I think, maybe. Walked far enough to think I was on fucking Pluto.
My choice was the Farmers Assoc. Show put on at the Cumberland Fairgrounds. for once a show at that venue that didn't entail mud and rain. However it did entail a shit load of walking and that was just to get to the bathroom.
The weather was great and smiles all around the place seemed to make it a great show and where it was their first real chance to get a bunch of cars without rain I won't beat them up. Let's just say they need to work on some things.
I had fun, we had fun, we walked a mile to the bathroom and back. Next year will be better, hopefully, maybe, we wish.
Added at 2:39PM Monday
Evidently I missed the best part to a show that needs work, that being the awards ceremony. This coupled with the other items in need of fixin' are probably the ingredients for the recipe that will kill this show.
To Bad I Had Fun
6/6/12
Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe
As the waters receded they revealed some of the worst roads in Maine. Potholes that were filled are no longer, drainage ditches that couldn't handle the flow are now collapsed. Some roads are under repair and some will be closed for some time. So pick your route and be prepared for detours
That's the bad news. Now for the good news. We can choose which show we want to go to this weekend. We can also Cruise down to Biddeford on Saturday to enjoy the Maine Coastal Cruisers Monthly Cruise Night.
We have the venerable Bridgton Show, which is one of the few shows that actually has a rain date and they moved it off the mountain last year. The field chosen is more than adequate to hold their show. But with all this rain that means it is also adequate to hold water and if memory serves me there is a giant drainage pool at the far end of the field, now known as the town wash station. The other unfortunate thing is the rain date steps on a date chosen by the Cumberland Farmer Club. The thing I learned early in life was to never step on farmers toes, they have usually been stepping in shit.
The Cumberland Sho-n-Shine, I've been told will not be held on the track at the Cumberland Fairgrounds but the surrounding areas. Evidently a lesson was learned when Boney Beagle put on their clusterfuck in the rain and it turned into a mud run. They got rained out last year so the Sympathy vote goes to them.
I'm thinking that the new guy on the block may be getting my attention and that Bridgton with all its charm and ambiance is going to be second fiddle.
6/3/12
And the Phone Rings
So like any normal person I answer it, only to hear gurgling sounds from the other end. As I say hello, a stream of water shoots out of the phone as if I were in a Three Stooges episode.
As you know the weather is a tad bit damp, causing many of you to forgo the Car Shows planned for the weekend. So as you watch reruns of "Worlds Dumbest White Trash Stunts with Power Tools" or perhaps the "All American Fat Bastard BBQ" competition you may want to think about polishing your boating skills. Maybe buy some crab and reenact your favorite episode of Deadliest Catch or better still, yank out most of your teeth and play Swamp People.
Next weekend we can take the U.S. Coast Guard Boater Safety Course, or start to actually think that Noah has been reincarnated as is laughing at all us heathens. The sump pump keeps me grounded enough for me to realize that there is more to the breast stroke than foreplay.
An article in today's paper was an article on Pirates and some upcoming events in Maine that will include them. You could play Shipwreck in my back yard. The Spanish Armada could float its ships up my street. Oh look a duck.
Just don't answer the phone.
As you know the weather is a tad bit damp, causing many of you to forgo the Car Shows planned for the weekend. So as you watch reruns of "Worlds Dumbest White Trash Stunts with Power Tools" or perhaps the "All American Fat Bastard BBQ" competition you may want to think about polishing your boating skills. Maybe buy some crab and reenact your favorite episode of Deadliest Catch or better still, yank out most of your teeth and play Swamp People.
Next weekend we can take the U.S. Coast Guard Boater Safety Course, or start to actually think that Noah has been reincarnated as is laughing at all us heathens. The sump pump keeps me grounded enough for me to realize that there is more to the breast stroke than foreplay.
An article in today's paper was an article on Pirates and some upcoming events in Maine that will include them. You could play Shipwreck in my back yard. The Spanish Armada could float its ships up my street. Oh look a duck.
Just don't answer the phone.
6/2/12
Meanwhile Back at the Swamp
For those that actually give a shit the Bridgton show has been raindated to the 10th of June, same swampy area, same format. The benefit show in Hallowell is still on as far as I know,but Scuba Gear and Pontoons may be more in fashion than wax and polish.
For those that actually do give a shit June 10th is same date as the Cumberland Show. So it just goes to Show us one thing. Gun shot wounds to the feet are more prevalent in Bridgton in June than at any other place or time in the state.
On another note, has anybody heard a murmur from the crew that put on the Belgrade Show. Although much maligned on its judging and especially the length of time we spent there it was still a Show. I haven't heard from or even seen the organizer, but then again there really hasn't been that many events this year.
For those that actually do give a shit June 10th is same date as the Cumberland Show. So it just goes to Show us one thing. Gun shot wounds to the feet are more prevalent in Bridgton in June than at any other place or time in the state.
On another note, has anybody heard a murmur from the crew that put on the Belgrade Show. Although much maligned on its judging and especially the length of time we spent there it was still a Show. I haven't heard from or even seen the organizer, but then again there really hasn't been that many events this year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
