Target of Opportunity

It's after Christmas by 59 minutes as I write this. So I now have 364 days to be nicer than I am about to be.


Sometimes I have to go hunting for something to write about. This next thing came to me via the interweb in my mail box of an account I no longer use. However the subject matter is absolute bullshit and some may think the man quite touched in the head for even thinking this way. A movie made a statement that "Greed Is Good" but here I think, not so much.


Like I said I received an e-mail. I will post it here, so that all not privy to this information may witness this most recent descent into whatever you can think of.

 " It has been a great season of events, fund raisers, shows and rallies. No matter the cause or reason, the 2014 season was a spectacular show of community awareness and passion for all enthusiasts.

We are happy to be a part of it all and proud to publish our niche magazines throughout New England promoting these events. We are looking forward to the next season and all it will bring.

Our policy regarding event listings is stated here:

1. ALL EVENTS WILL BE LISTED ON OUR WEBSITE EVENT CALENDAR FOR FREE!

-Simply go to our website and follow the instructions to add your event in the calendar section.

2. All advertisers will have their events listed at no charge as part of their ad purchase.

-Please call our office if you are interested in advertising your business in our publications and we will be happy to accommodate your request.

3. If you would like to have your event PRINTED IN OUR MAGAZINE, there will be a charge of $49. This covers the cost of the listing. If you want to add your event, please fill out the enclosed form and send it with a check to: Direct Display, PO Box 451 Bath, ME 04530

*Note: the deadline to be IN THE BOOK is February 1, 2015. If you are not sure of your date or specifics by that time, simply put an email, phone number or website in your listing for people to go to for info.

If you have any questions, please call me at 207-751-1968.

Thank you for your listing and we look forward to another great year of promoting events throughout New England!"

Why is it that I'm feeling somebody trying to widen their profit margin at the expense of non- profits, schools, car clubs and charitable fundraisers. Did we or did we not tell him NO last year. Is this greed at its lowest level or is there really something special about Cruise Maine Magazine.

I volunteer for a national organization with a crew of 14. We provide a service throughout the year for anybody that want that said service performed. We charge nothing for this service and are compensated every year with a pat on the back and an "Atta Boy". Now I have to pay to have the Free Event put into a Free For Taking Magazine to perform my service Free Of Charge.

First and foremost the web site part of the deal is ok, except the format of the site absolutely sucks. It is a jumbled together mess that by any other name is called a clusterfuck. Hard to read unless you have a magnifier and there is no separation between the events so it looks like they all run together.

Now the magazine is free for the taking, with paid advertisers. the color glossy pages are filled with ads from all over Maine and the actual events listing are 3 to 4 pages of wrong dates and bad listings. They have been that way since the very beginning and somehow still exist. It seems they want all the Magazine info in, 14 days before the All Clubs Social, which makes about as much sense as sticking your fingers in a light socket with the power on.

We had a better publication put out by a car club a few years ago. That book got run out of town by this slick magazine that initially promised the world, only now we get shit on a glossy page. I think his advertisers are getting some decent exposure for little to nothing but greed is now king and we are the ones to suffer.

Back in the day $49.00 would get you laid and breakfast the next morning. Now we are getting screwed and Mr. Magazine has egg on his face. Every year I have taken 2 cases of this color glossy publication to promote events and the magazine itself. This year they can keep their magazine. Where its Glossy paper, you couldn't wipe your ass with it so I won't even take any for the out house out to camp.

Cruise Maine Magazine has stepped over the line and lost what support they had from us.

Reality check in aisle 7 please.

If Wishes Were Dishes ...

... my sink would be full.


Let's lighten this up a bit before I decide who's cornflakes to piss on in the upcoming year.


Being mistaken for Santa is quite common with me and as the years have caused gravity to adjust my waist line and this wonderful fresh air to change the color of my hair I go with the flow. At a recent spousal related Christmas festivity, I of course wore my best Red shirt and held court in the corner of the room and yes I sat in a very large chair.
As the festivities began to loosen up a bit the Santa comparisons began and I was asked when I would allow the guests to give me their Christmas lists. I told them that we could commence as soon as I was in possession of their credit cards so that Santa could fulfill all their Christmas wishes. We had a wonderful laugh and enjoyed the rest of the evening.


At a recent visit to one of the area pie hole filling stations, we were escorted to our table by our hostess and I noticed a few small children in attendance with their families. I have grown accustomed to the looks from these wee people and usually wave or say hi if they are within ear shot and they giggle or become extremely shy. As I and the wife looked over our menus a small body of energy came running up and asked me with the most innocent voice, "Are you Santa". Now in my experience saying yes would be a non truth and would damn me to hell but writing this blog in the manner that it is written, has in all likelihood solidified that reservation so I said "Yes".


The child's mother came running up in horror, that her rug rat was bothering me and as she approached I held up my hand for her to stop. I asked the ball of energy his name and was told "I'm Mathew", he then quickly asked why I wasn't at the North Pole. Well I can't resist a chance to instill just a bit of fear in people especially little people.


I looked Mathew in the eye and in a voice that was just loud enough so his mom could hear ( okay the whole room heard it), I told him I came to check on him to make sure he was being a good boy. He said he was a good boy all year and as he stated this, out of the corner of my I saw his mom nodding in agreement. I reached out my hand to shake his and told him I noticed this and asked him to do me a favor. I asked him to give his mom a hug and a kiss and listen to her and tell her he loved her everyday.


As I looked around several rather damp eyes were seen as were his mother's who quietly thanked me as she picked him up to return to their table. Mathew exclaimed his love for his mother and hugged her several times by the time they got to there.


I never did get a bill for that meal.


Yes I know its not Car Hobby related. Deal with it.


May your Christmas be joyous and blessed


MERRY CHRISTMAS.

BUGUSTA

Our recent elections in Bugusta have given us a new crop of the "Minions of Satan" to deal with. Thankfully we are not looking at a crop of tree hugging pine nut eating green weinies that want our cars off the road so we all can drive a Prius. Instead we have the revenue jacking industrial complex that will somehow try and make it more expensive to drive our cars.


The main issue we have is educating the newly elected minions and some of the old guard as to what we are and what we represent. After to many trips to the capitol to speak at public hearings and work with these official I can safely say that most are clueless as to what a hot rod or muscle cars is. I can also say that most are working for their direct constituents not for the greater good or us. Educating these official is frustrating but can be done, so fear not.


How do we "educate" our newly elected minions? Easy call them and talk to them like they are old friends and feel them out. Once you establish a relationship of sorts they will actually listen and if they don't spread the word and find a new minion to recruit.


In the past a sit down with them over coffee at the local doughnut shop has worked very well in our favor. A conversation is a two way street so listen to them as well as stating your case.


Then of course we must also educate ourselves. We need to police ourselves as well. We need to acquaint ourselves with the laws and rules of inspection and registration. We need to keep an eye on each other and make sure one bad apple doesn't ruin our entire basket. That's how we keep our hobby ours and not a privilege given to us by some bureaucrat that couldn't tell you an Edsel  grill from a toilet seat.

Look at the Dust

Screw the January start to the comeback, I started writing this first return post on the 3rd of December and it will probably be broken into a few parts so some of the more interweb hipster's won't give that tl;dr shit in the comments. For those more in line for a hip replacement that tl;dr is interweb for either "to long didn't read" or "to lazy didn't read" your choice, either fits.


So after a long absence of not writing about the state of our hobby and the "Car Show" scene I guess I'm back to regale you with stories of adventures, opinions of events, diatribes pointed at imbeciles and fools, profanity when its appropriate and of course the hunt for the ever elusive $25.00 Cheap Ass Trophy.


The same rules apply for comments and opposing opinions as long as its not laced with profanity and is totally about the subject matter I'll post it. I will only edit grammar and punctuation and not the content. This is so we won't think your an idiot, unless of course you are an idiot and then we all can watch you prove it.


If you have an event you want posted, send it elsewhere I'm not your fucking social secretary or a damn calendar. I will promote an upcoming event with a blip or two and if I attend it you will get an opinion. No politics unless it is about our Hobby. No religion unless it happens to be a story of our favorite pastors the Right Reverend Fudgewhistle and the Reverend Cat Crate.


Some new characters will most certainly be created and in all likelihood a few laid to rest or if I'm in the mood resurrected for a little waltz down memory lane. Some tongue in cheek, some bite your tongue and even more sticking out your tongue will all fall into place I'm sure.


So hang on kids it starts now.