Christmas Parties

Yes its that time of year, when we prepare for the Party Season. After the Thanksgiving Holiday we begin the annual foray of weekends without end and people we really wish wouldn't drink, as it only enhances the fact we didn't like them sober.

Most of the Clubs are gearing up for their Pot Luck driven Parties that usually end with more leftovers than Thanksgiving and a Yankee Swap. With the selection of Baked Beans and Chili at an all time high, the choices are not limited to just hot items. The choices of Pasta Salads and Potato Salads surpassing the national debt is a forgone conclusion. 72 different kinds of freaking meatballs that usually are so spicy they peel paint and enough Lasagna to float a boat in. Someone please tell me just how many plates of those nasty ass Deviled Eggs do we need to endure anyway. Why do we always enjoy it so?

The dessert end of this dinner has always amazed me and others with the varieties of Brownies entering the Infinitum Category. The little Mini Cream Puffs and tiny little Eclairs are intriguing only do to the fact that they are so small and only tease you into thinking you actually have had Dessert.

This thing we call a Yankee Swap is an Insult to all things Red Sox and needs a name change. Chinese Auction is insulting to Orientals and Economists so that won't work either. How about we call it, This Gift Really Sucks Swap. Now I realize that if you get stuck working in the $10 to $15 range your going to end up with some really bad stuff and that's the fun in it. The opportunity to regift is at hand only if you go to more than one party

I know for a fact that a certain 12volt Vacuum Cleaner has been to 3 Christmas Parties put on by 3 different Clubs 3 years in a row. The all time regifted prize goes to an Electric Nose Picker that is basically a Plastic Finger with a dead electrical plug, that made the rounds 6 years running.

The frequency of the gift changing hands in a single night is also part of the pleasure as a tacky gift will be exchanged but once and something different several times. The most memorable of these exchanges was a pair of C -Cup Titties that were actually ear muffs that went around the room most of the night. These actually went home with a young woman who wasn't as well endowed as the ear muffs. Then there was a sign that read Assholes Garage that finally went home after being exchanged 12 times. Whether the recepient is an Asshole is still being debated, all we know for sure is that he does have one.

If your Bah Humbug is really all you need to enjoy Christmas then you need to get out more and make your own merriment with all us other sufferers of bad gifts and baked bean gas with a side of deviled egg breath.

Remember that if your relatives stay more than 3 days you are now a hostage not a host.

P.S. Most Christmas Party Dates posted on http://roadscholars.webs.com